Today I have been contemplating, as I find myself recently doing often, myself and why I am the way I am. I think because I am a new mother, this pandora’s box has been opened and I find myself evaluating and re-evaluating ME, with the purpose of seeking to be a better person than I was before. Well, I had an epiphany today. I realized I am, and have been for the longest time, my own worst enemy. I have no idea how this monster got so big but now that I look at it, face to face, it is huge. I stop myself from fully committing to anything because as soon as I find an imperfection, or something displeasing, I quit. I begin to criticize my efforts, to put my own self and actions down. This happens in all aspects of my life and is one of the main reasons I haven’t fully committed to any one career nor actually begun to truly write. Maddening.
Having faced this monster, I am determined, and yes, committed, to destroying it. With that in mind my daily draw was the 9 of wands and the 4 of wands.
See the man holding the staff with eight staves behind him? He is looking behind, with a ready look, determined and ready for any obstacle that might hinder his walk, firm. See the sideways card, pointing forwards, with two figures in the center. As I see this card, it is one of contentment, peace, fertility and strength. What these two cards indicate, for me, is the determination to overcome, aware that it will not be easy, fear will visit, but the goal, peace and fruition, is in sight, and there is hope.